


A Million Worlds Apart

by WildCard4505



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Aromantic Christine Canigula, Boyf friends, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Michael, Light Angst, M/M, Pining Jeremy Heere, Pining Michael, Post-Squip, Post-Squip Jeremy Heere, Post-Squip Rich Goranski, Song Lyrics, Song: If I Could Tell Her (Dear Evan Hansen), Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:02:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27736552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildCard4505/pseuds/WildCard4505
Summary: How could Michael break his best friends heart?The answer: He can'tHe decides the next best thing is to tell a lie thats way too tangled up in his own truthaka: "If I could tell her" from Dear Evan Hanson and boyf riends from Be More Chill all wrapped together with tooth rotting fluff and a bit of angst
Relationships: Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36





	A Million Worlds Apart

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm sure how I feel about this one but the idea just wouldn't leave my head until wrote it down. The story takes place after the canon events with one difference. Jeremy doesn't ask Christine out during voices in my head. Instead he waits and asks Michael to be his wingman.

Michael knew this was something he had to do. Actually it was something Christine should be doing but she practically begged him to tell Jeremy and he was way too soft hearted. He’d been sent on a mission to ask Christine about Jeremy and generally be a good wingman. 

Their resulting conversation had brought about the realization that Christine was, in fact, aromantic and not interested. 

He hated the fact that he had to be the one to break his best friend's heart. Christine even said it would be better coming from him, since he knew him so well. And while that might be true, Michael also knew how he felt about Christine. Hours of late nights talks and phone calls and he knew every little thing Jeremy adored about Christine. 

He knew how he could never be any of those things. He talked about her like she put the moon in the sky, she shined like the sun in his view. Competing with that...he was just a spark. A flickering candle that could go out with one breath. And it was clear that Jeremy didn’t need to think hard to blow it out, to push him away. Michael shook his head, this wasn’t the time for his pity party. He felt more than heard everyone else’s eyes on him. Rich, Jake, and Christine all came in incase they were needed. It just served to make Michael more pissed off. Christine couldn’t tell Jeremy she didn’t like him romantically but she could stand behind a wall and watch him do it. It was beyond frustrating, and after complaining to Rich about he elected to come with. Jake was apparently with him at the time so he joined too. 

“Michael!” Jeremy waved from where he sat outside, his lunchbox was precariously balanced on one leg and Michael resisted the urge to grab it before it fell. Jeremy shot a smile at him and Michael felt his own grow slightly, momentarily forgetting he was coming with bad news. Michael waved and greeted him, forcing his usual enthusiasm before sitting next to him on the bench.

“Too bad the rest of the squad was busy, I think they’d like this bench.” Michael tried to start small talk but internally cringed at his lack of skill at it. Conversation was never hard with Jeremy. They bounced between topics easily, rebounding off each other's moods. It came naturally. Now Michael was stuck over thinking things and of course the first thing that came to mind was ‘they’d like this bench’. 

Jeremy snorted a little laugh before opening his lunchbox. He smiled at the messily made sandwich in a bag. Jeremy’s dad really had been trying after The Squip incident. The first step of that was apparently making lunch every morning. Michael couldn’t help but feel his heart warm when Jeremy looked so content and proud when receiving his lunch. 

“It’s a very nice bench, very- Sittable.” Jeremy laughed again, obviously poking fun at his terrible conversation skills.

“What? Are you doubting this bench's amazingness!” Michael played along feeling his smile grow with the comfortable teasing. 

“I’ll have you know this bench would sweep everyone off their feet if they met it!” Michael hid his laugh and pretended to comfort the bench.

“Yeah cause they’d be sitting on it.” Jeremy commented, rolling his eyes lightly. Presumably at Michael’s energy. Michael was going to continue but at Jeremy's comment his façade fell apart and laughter passed through his teeth. 

“Exactly.” Michael said ignoring the way Jeremy looked at him confused and his mumble of “What are you even agreeing with?”.

“So back to the topic at hand- What did Christine say?” Suddenly Michael felt his mood drop again. A coil of anxiety sat itself in his stomach. Jeremy looked at him with a restrained smile and doubtful hope. 

“I-” Michael started but changed his mind. He couldn’t start with him, this wasn’t about him. Suddenly, Michael regretted not thinking every word of this conversation out beforehand. 

“Michael?” Jeremy’s smile dimmed slightly and Michael hated it. He hated the fact he knew that after this conversation Jeremy’s smile would sour, full of fake happiness. He’d say it was okay but leave and try suffering on his own. Nobody deserved that, but nobody deserved to be led on either.

“Listen Christine-” Michael sighed, he couldn’t do this. He shouldn’t have to. Nobody deserved to have to hear down the grapevine your four year crush didn’t like you. At least Michael knew  _ he _ would hate it even more than if it was said to his face. Michael glanced at the wall subtly and was met with several understanding gazes. They knew he couldn’t do it. 

“Christine what?” Michael sighed and looked back at Jeremy, a fake smile put in place.

“She thought you were awesome” He half-lied. Christine did think that, they were all even friends. She just didn’t have feelings for him beyond that. He could almost feel the disappointed gazes on his back.

“She thinks I’m awesome? Christine?” Jeremy had this tone of doubt that Michael didn’t like. Crush or no crush everyone in the squad was his friend, yet Jeremy still let himself believe that they harbored some kind of hatred towards him. Christine especially. He put Christine on this pedestal that no one, not even Jeremy himself, could reach. 

“Of course Bro!” He spoke with confidence. If there was anything he could do in this mess of a situation, it was drill it into Jeremy’s head that no one blames him. Immediately after he said it he realized that Jeremy probably thought he was talking about his romantic chances with Christine and felt terrible. He came to tell Jeremy the truth and now he was just filling his head up with false hope. He was a terrible friend. 

“How?” Jeremy asked lightly. Like he couldn’t comprehend why anyone would like him. Michael hated to lead him on but he couldn’t leave him alone like this. Michael wished he could blurt out everything he’s noticed over the past 12 years. Everything that made him wonderful. Everything that made him Jeremy, since his name was practically a synonym of amazing. 

An idea popped into his head. 

One that would no doubt make Christine angry and drag himself deeper into the pit of lies he’d managed to strand himself in. 

“Well, she said” Jeremy turned back to him in surprise when he started speaking. Maybe he wasn’t expecting an answer. Maybe he wasn’t expecting Michael to hear him.

“There's nothing like your smile, Sort of... subtle and perfect- and real.” Michael took interest in his new white converse when he felt his face heat up. He turned back, looking at the corner. He expected to meet with angry faces. Instead he saw Rich with a knowing smirk and Jake and Christine both sporting ridiculously surprised and sappy smiles. Michael decided that it was as much of an invitation to continue as he would get.

“She said you never knew how wonderful that smile could make someone feel…” Michael’s voice faded with the realization that he was practically confessing for someone with his own feelings. That said, he was bursting with things he needed to say. With things Jeremy needed to know. It was too late to stop. 

“And she knew whenever you get bored you scribble stars on the cuffs of your jeans” Michael huffed a quick laugh. Jeremy always ended the day with some new ridiculous cartoon on his jeans or homework. Michael was sure if he ever came to school without his signature cardigan, his arms would be subject to his doodles too. 

What Michael didn’t know was that Jeremy was staring at an oblivious Michael in confusion. 

“We don’t have classes together though…..” Jeremy said too quietly for Michael to hear. 

“And she noticed that you still fill out the quizzes that they put in those teen magazines-” Michael stopped himself after he said that observation, coughing into his hand. His face felt like it was on fire. He had to tone it down, Christine would never know that. Going at this rate he would give himself away. 

He was tempted to stop there, leave everything else alone to wander in his head. But with one look of Jeremy’s hopeful and curious face had him continuing towards his own downfall.

“But she kept it all inside her head... what she saw she left unsaid” Michael made eye contact with Jeremy and quickly looked up at the sky. He was way too far gone for this boy, Michael noted idly.

“And though she wanted to, She couldn't talk to you...She couldn't find the way” Michael decided to let everything spill out and damn the consequences. He was tired of keeping everything inside. He wanted it off his chest. He wanted to be able to laugh and not wonder if he was taking advantage of him. Pretending his feelings were Christine’s wasn’t how to do it though.

“But she would always say if I could tell him, tell him everything I see” Michael always thought about letting one of his thoughts slip. Maybe Jeremy would look at him in surprise. Maybe he could watch his face shift to happiness. Maybe it could work. 

“If I could tell him...How he's everything to me” He let his eyes wander to the corner again, ill advised. Everyone looked so star-struck. He always thought he was obvious but it seemed like he was perfectly hidden to everyone but Rich. Even Rich seemed to be slightly taken aback. All three of them mouthed variations of the same thing when they saw him looking their way.  


‘Tell him’ they said.

“But we're a million worlds apart” Michael argued back aloud, Jeremy completely oblivious to the secondary conversation. Jake shook his head ‘no’ and Michael huffed a small sad laugh. 

‘Tell him’ they said again, like it wasn’t the biggest decision in the world. Like he wasn’t already walking on thin ice in their friendship and Jeremy wasn’t ready to break it at any moment. Like he didn’t know that if he let him sink in that icey water again, it would break him. 

“And I don't know how I would even start” Michael didn’t want to see any of their reassurances and turned back to Jeremey. His eyes squinted in intense conversation. Like he was trying to put together a puzzle without all the pieces. Michael figured he just didn’t believe the words he was saying. He didn’t realize that wasn’t what had Jeremy so puzzled. 

“If I could tell him” Michael could let himself dream at least.

“If I could tell him” Dream of a world where Jeremy wasn’t hopelessly in love with another girl. Where Michael could say all of this as himself. He looked back up at Jeremy whose face split out into surprise. ‘Does he really not realize how great he is?’ Michael wondered. However that wasn’t what Jeremy was surprised about. In fact, Jeremy had just found the one missing piece of his puzzle.

“I- Did ‘she’ say anything else?” Jeremy shook his head smiling fondly. Michael noticed his strange emphasis on ‘she’.

“What?” Michael said and Jeremy back pedaled fast. 

“Never mind, sorry, that was dumb” He spit out all at once, fiddling with the hanging corner of his cardigan. 

“No, no, no just, no, no she said, she said so many things!” Michael stammered and cleared his throat. He tried to ignore the way Christine was practically jumping up and down as she peeked behind the wall. If he didn’t know they were there, the movement never would have caught his eye. Knowing it though, he couldn’t help but try and glance over. 

“She thought you looked really pretty, er” Michael flushed looking at Jeremy and realized just how terrible he was at hiding his intentions. Jeremy seemed to be processing and didn’t notice his slip though. 

“It looked pretty cool when you put indigo streaks in your hair” Michael laughed and Jeremy started chuckling too remembering the day it happened. It was on April fools day of their freshman year. Michael remembers seeing Jeremy walk into school, hunched over with a hood over his hair. Turns out that his dad put blue hair dye in his hair dye as a prank. It would wash out with one shower but Jeremy didn’t have time for another shower before school, instead he’d tried to rinse it out in the sink which only caused it become streaky and dull. Michael spent the entire first mod joking and passing notes about his hair, trying to make him feel more comfortable. Second mod Jeremey had finally started joking around with him. Unfortunately, that's where their shared classes ended until after lunch. Michael was pleasantly surprised (and a bit proud) to see Jeremy sitting meekly at the lunch table with his hood down and pastel blue streaked hair displayed.

“Really?” Jeremy laughed and when Michael looked over he saw him give a knowing smile. At that moment Michael knew he was found out. He laughed nervously. How long did honestly expect this to last? Michael knew he wasn’t going to be able hide his feelings once he started. He wasn’t ready for this to be over yet though. He wasn’t ready to lose his best friend. That said, Jeremy didn’t look as if he was going to kick him to the curb. Michael almost couldn’t believe that he seemed happy. 

“And she wondered how you learned to dance like all the rest of the world isn't there…” Michael stammered out another sentence, hoping that Jeremy’s smile was also approval to continue. When he spoke he realized he didn’t have any reason to keep up the charade. Michael took a deep breath and continued.

“But I kept it all inside my head, what I saw I left unsaid…” Michael figured if he was doing this he’d do it right. Jeremy already knew but Michael would confirm it for him. Say everything he’s meant these past few years. All the consequences welled up inside his head, but damn if was gonna let them get to him. 

“If I could tell him- Tell him everything I see. If I could tell him how he's everything to me.” He could feel Jeremy’s eyes on him as he dropped his hands and stared at them. 

“But we're a million worlds apart and I don't know how I would even start…” He clenched his hands to stop the shaking. ‘When did this get so freaky?’ Michael thought, already knowing the answer. 

“So what do you do when there's this great divide?” Michael looked back up at Jeremy. Maybe he’d have some sort of answer. Some way to bridge the gap between what he wanted and what was. Someway to keep his feelings from tearing them apart even more. Because Michael wasn’t an idiot. He recognized the distance that hung over them after The Squip. The awkwardness neither of them wanted to acknowledge. 

“I never knew you felt this way…” Jeremy responded laughing slightly, his eyes gleamed slightly. Michael recognized the warning for tears. Only then did he comprehend that his eyes felt the same. A growing heat and a knot in his throat.

“And what do you do when the distance is too wide?” Michael asked idly. How could repair the friendship he’d no doubt broken. Michael told himself that he just wanted things back to the way they were before. When they could barge into each others houses at all hours because they had the solution for a level they’d been stuck on. But he knew he wanted more. The only problem was that if he couldn’t have that before the party and the house and the fire. Then there was no way it’d happen when they were farther apart than ever.

“I thought I had to like her… After everything I put you through...” Jeremy whispered and Michael stood up, catching his attention.

“And how do you say-” He put his hands in his pockets, trying to stop his tears and calm down. He tried to focus his attention on the grass below his feet. The way the bright green contrasted against his stark white shoes. 

“I love you.” Michael felt Jeremy’s eyes on his back at his statement. But it was true. He loved Jeremy Heere.

“I love you” He loved the way he had no filter.

“I love you” He loved the way Jeremy stuck his tongue out playing video games. He clenched his hands in his pockets. 

“I love you” But Jeremy would never love him back. Michael turned around again. A hand running through his hair and a slight accepting smile on his face.

“But we're a million worlds apart” Michael laughed lightly. Jeremy would never love him back, but that was okay. As long as he could be there for him that was enough.

“And I don't know how I would even start” Michael’s attention snapped to Jeremy when he suddenly sat up from the bench. He had a smile on his face but his eyes were flooding with concern. He grabbed Michael’s free hand which had apparently moved to fidget with his hoodie string. 

“How about we start at the beginning.” Jeremy said and Michael was speechless. He couldn’t tell if Jeremy was just humoring him or if he actually returned his feelings. Either way, his mind was racing through a million dangerously hopeful images 

“If I could tell you” Jeremy said, breaking him out of his thoughts. Michael thought he could distantly hear Christine squealing but he wasn’t paying attention to her. Michaels attention was focused squarely on the boy leaning closer to him with every second.

“If I could-” Michael’s words were cut off by lips crashing against his own and the feeling of a smile currently matching his own thousand watt grin. They broke apart, both smiling too much for the kiss to be very successful. 

It took a few seconds for both their faces to turn a bright red. Michael covered a laugh as Jeremy stuffed his face in the fabric of his hoodie. Michael turned to the corner and saw both Rich and Christine holding up their phones and suddenly he couldn’t hold it anymore. 

“They’re recording us.” Michael said playfully and Jeremy groaned, obviously knowing who “they” was referring to. Suddenly he chuckled quietly and turned to where he saw Michael looking. 

“At least send me the video if you're gonna stalk us!” Jeremy yelled and Michael sputtered, coughing on his laughter. He hunched over and saw Jeremy laughing with him.

“Hey man you good?” Jeremy managed to say between laughs. Michael nodded and realized he felt better than ever. Because, like Jeremy said, they can start at the beginning and work they’re way up together and suddenly the whole concept feels a whole lot less overwhelming. He had a place to start and he had a person to start with. They had a lot to get through but for once Michael felt like they’d make it though it. 

“I’m great!” Michael smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Be More Chill work and it was actually kind of fun to write (I still suck at writing romance though XD)
> 
> But I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
